I didn't walk out of the closet, I ran

From what I’ve gathered, I’ve come to realize that being a raging homosexual is hard work. I mean, think about it, you’re constantly having to keep up with everyone’s fake stereotypes. The gays have to take time out of their busy schedules to go worship Lady Gaga, but aside from all that, you have a bunch of religious types telling you that you’re going to hell. If that wasn’t hard enough, it’s very difficult for me to wear flannels in the summer but so it goes, you eventually learn to put up with it and even avoid it. But what do you do when you feel like your parents wouldn’t accept you? When you think about it, your parents are the ones that pretty much always have your back. So, they should, right?

Let me take you back to 2009. I was in 9th grade, fully aware of my sexuality and I had met a girl and was head over heels for her. Despite this happiness, I was still fully aware that my parents grew up very religious and were very much opposed to the idea of same sex anything. So it began one day when my parents found a “love letter” in my room. They questioned me about it and told me that the words were very intense and that it wasn’t healthy to be involved with someone like that at a young age but they had no idea that they were just some random song lyrics that didn’t mean anything. It was awkward but a couple months later, I was out late one night and my mother was pretty pissed off. She told me to get home and I sprinted my butt off to get back but once I got home, she had lost her temper completely. When I arrived, I found her in the kitchen. I had an attitude because I was having relationship problems and the whole “keeping my life a secret” thing had really been bearing down on me. She asked me why I was always in a bad mood whenever I went with this specific friend and why I was always home late and I just completely exploded like an atomic bomb. I yelled at the top of my lungs, “I’M GAY!!” My mother’s face went blank and the house was so silent that I swear you could hear the blood rushing through my veins.

I bit down on my lip as my mother stared me down and without missing a beat, she reached her hand over and picked a knife out of the sink. She grabbed the bladed side, wanting me to grab the gripped side, and said “Just kill me now.” I rolled my eyes and stormed off to my room. My life was surely over, I thought. I ignored my parents for the next two weeks. It seems disappointing your parents is really just the worst thing you can do and at the time, I didn’t think things would ever go back to normal. It wasn’t until my mother approached me and she explained to me that what I had told her had really burned a hole in her heart. Telling me how she would ever have grandchildren and that she was worried that people would judge me without even getting to know me and that she was worried that my life would be hard because I was “different.” The hardest part was having to explain to her that if I pretended to be someone I wasn’t, I would be miserable altogether.

After that, we seemed to get along better and she learned to love me for who I was. Although I feel like it was hard coming out, I can’t help but think of all the people out there that have abusive parents and lash out at their own kin for choosing their sexuality over social norms. People need to be heard and young teens and adults need support. We need to turn to these people and tell them that it’s okay to be who they are and that we love who they are! By sharing this story, I’m sharing a bit of myself and my mini battle with coming out. If anyone’s got one, share it. Make your voice be heard and be the inspiration for that confused girl in homeroom. If I could go back, I would tell myself that it’s all okay and that being gay is beautiful because it was a part of who I was all along. I can’t go back now but I will be that light in the darkness for these future generations. I hope you will too.